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November 1 2010
[ mood | excited ]

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July 2 2010
Two quick things [
[ mood | excited ]

I must share two things. The first one needs no explanation:

The second one, does need slightly more. In November last year, anyone who passes through here might remember I wrote a novel for a challenge called Nanowrimo. Well, that book has been finished, edited to the lowest possible standard, and printed. I present to you, the highlight of my week:

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May 22 2010
Drunk unicorns [
[ mood | depressed ]

Now, I realize that this sounds like the punchline to a joke, but I don't think there is anything funny at all about this serious issue. The rate of unicorn intoxication has increased exponentially in the United States over the past 10 years since the abolition of cattle grates in tavern doors. According to the referendum at the time, it was considered 'racist' to exclude an entire demographic from the country's #1 favorite pastime, simply for the convenience of protecting against stampeding mountain zebra. Well, now look what we have on our hands. A whole lot of unemployed unicorns, getting smashed and playing mailbox baseball with a stolen car. I'd take a herd of angry, decorative ponies over that any day.


May 8 2010
Sorry. Just... sorry. [
[ mood | apologetic ]

                  I would just like to apologize to everyone everywhere for the earlier contents of my Livejournal. Even to people who can't read. There are no excuses.

                  On a whim, I decided to peruse my oldest entries which I haven't read for at least a year or two. And, well... good God, y'all. I am truly sorry that I was ever such a douchebag. Such douchebaggery should not be stood for. I think teenagers should be outlawed. In fact, if anyone is willing to back me up on this, I can have a bill proposal to Parliament by Monday. Unless Parliament isn't open on the weekends. I'll have to look into that. 

                  What's funny though, is that I'll probably be apologizing for this entry and others like it in another year or two. It's very incremental, and I'll just have to grovel for forgiveness every few years when I look back and shudder. I suppose that's a vaguely inspiring notion; getting better is always preferable to getting worse. But getting better at what, exactly? What are the real differences between my entries now and my entires three or four years ago? Well, for one, my language is considerably cleaner. I shrink inwardly each time I read an expletive in my 2006-2007 entries, because they sound so unnatural. It's just awkwardly painful, because I remember forcing myself to write like that, because that's just what people did -- or at least, it's what the people that I knew did. I also like to think these entries are a little less pompous and performative... apart from that 'recipe for living' one a few posts back. Just... I'm sorry. If you've read it, then you could argue that I was high, and that's always a winning excuse. But also, it's not really true, so possibly not quite as effective.

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May 1 2010
Everything I've done in my life so far was for this. [
[ mood | surprised ]

I've opened up Livejournal countless times since my last entry, hoping that if I just look at the blank page, that will spark something and I'll be off on a tangent. And then I remembered that is never, ever how it works.

A few things today have caused me to finally put words on this page. I'm building a set in the studio at university, and that's going well. It's the sort of set they use in sitcoms -- a cross-section of an apartment. We've done all the painting and installed the skirting board, which was extremely tedious fitting it to the size of the room. We installed a pseudo-lightswitch, put down carpet (which is the wrong size so now we have to go and find some more), made a coffee table and have started dressing the set with things like televisions, shelves and end tables with lamps on them. The couch is going in tomorrow (an important staple of any sitcom) and I'm browsing the internet for cheap windows. I can't believe I almost spend $160 on wallpaper to paper a wall at Elam! I'm glad we went with paint. Other parts of this project include writing and filming a sitcom about hitmen - complete with opening credits and catchy theme song, hiring a red-headed guy to don a fur coat and Rick-roll our studio class during presentation, and making a big red button that plays canned laughter when pressed. It's times like these that make me wonder why I'm leaving art school... but those moments don't last for long. Google 'Philip Guston'. You'll see what I mean.

Speaking of which, yes, I'm leaving Elam (or as I've grown accustomed to calling it; Elame. It's a much more accurate representation.). It's got nothing to do with the workload or the pressure or that I can't take it... although that last one could be one interpretation. I'm far too much of a cynic for art school, and I've finally discovered that half way through my second year. Have you ever seen contemporary art? It's either disgusting or boring or a mixture of the two. And nearly all practicing artists are pretentious wankers, which I wish I had known before I handed in my portfolio. I haven't felt inspired since starting this school, so that's warning sign enough for me. I'm changing to a BA in film & creative writing. That is, if I don't pussy out and finish my BFA. I've already paid $8,000 on it, and I feel like I've gotten nothing. Not to mention all the course materials, which they don't provide. I think it must be the rent on the wall space that gobbles up your $5k a year, because the tuition is next to non-existant. And, this is turning into a review on contemporary art schools.

Aren't endings the worst?


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